Do you ever get the feeling that although you have many, many acquaintances- you can't consider any of them true friends? Or maybe at one time you did... but that is long gone now. That is how I have felt and am feeling. I have no one close to talk to around here. Even friends whom I've had for years are blowing me off for the silliest of reasons... even though I would move mountains for them if they asked me to.
Also, I think I am incapable of love and affection. I'm going to blame this on Jason Kaiser to make myself feel better. I have dated a few guys since I broke up with Kaiser and I just can't or don't want to feel anything for them. The unfortunate part for me is that all of the boys who I thought I may have had some sort of feelings for... are, as it turns out, all completely wrong for me.
I feel useless. I feel poor. I feel beaten up. I feel defeated.
Hey Sarah...I've felt the exact same way before in my life. In fact, I have dairy entries that are hauntingly similar to what you have written (except replace boys with girls). Take it from someone who has been through this, God designed us with a hunger and a longing for love and affection that can't be given by anyone but Him. We try desperately to fill that void with friends, lovers, and other fruitless activities to make us feel good...but ultimately they are "a chasing after the wind". Only God can fill that hole that you feel. Only God will love you with an unfailing love. Only God can make us capable of loving someone else...and ourselves. Nothing on this earth can can us feel whole. Only God can make us feel useful, rich, healed, and victorious (and not useless, poor, beaten up, and defeated). This is not a lecture. This is advice from someone who has been there. When I gave up on dating and girls and decided to focus on God, He brought Joi into my life. And even though Joi is the best thing that has ever happened to be besides Jesus...she can not even fill that void. God designed and created us with a unmistakable need for Him. A need that only He can satisfy. Run to Him and I promise, He will never let you down.
ReplyDeleteAlso, if you EVER need to talk...you have a brother in Colorado who will be there for you whenever you need him.
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